The full programme for the 2013 London Film Festival was revealed this morning to an Odeon Leicester Square packed full of critics, journos and bloggers so corpulent from all the free chocolate and pastry dished out that the entire front wall of the cinema had to be removed for us to exit.
Then the whole building collapsed and exploded and a giant sexy alien came out of it and ate Mark Kermode.
All right it didn't, but if it had it still wouldn't have been as exciting as the line-up of movies just announced.
Gordon-Levitt's directorial debut Don Jon is certainly an accomplished and confident first film, but I can't help but think a lot of the praise it's receiving is directed at its star and not its screenplay – subtract all the personal goodwill that Gordon-Levitt has banked over the years and Don Jon remains a good film, just perhaps not a great one.
Attractive, talented, creative, industrious and brilliant at karaoke, he's the kind of self-made leading man who you actively will towards success – as opposed to all the no-talent shit-for-brain himbos for hire who I actively will towards homelessness.
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"Our story tells factually what happened up to the point of her arrest," said Trevor Walton, the executive producer.
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Looks like Riddick’s going to have to save the day again.